sleepless beauty

(an old entry) 

After taking a lungful of polluted air, with a stronger brand of conviction I never had in my life, I crossed EDSA all by myself for the first time–call it an act of SUICIDE for someone whose daily metal accessories are not bangles or earrings but hehe, crutches. It was May 04.

Putting on the needed amount of courage was not chicken. It required me to consult my heart and soul and of course…my survival needs. I thought, if I won’t brave EDSA and be a beautiful pedestrian, I won’t reach the office  and that means no work for me. No work, no pay…no money to buy myself my daily dose of coffee. (So there goes my source of motivation…hehehe!).

Since I came here in Manila , I have crossed many lanes (read: fears) that I never thought I would learn to overcome. Crossing streets, for one. Using escalator is also another story. But the biggest story of course is deciding to settle here for work.

The decision itself is a major crossover, to think that there is plenty to fear here. I thought I wouldn’t make it. During my first week here, when all my housemates weren’t home, I would find myself in tears for mixed reasons like I missed everybody, I dreaded the next sunrise because I would have to cross EDSA or I would need to take the bus again, and I felt uncomfortable when people cast surveying stares while I crossed the streets…oh God, all these and more gave me the creeps.

It was like forcibly, the state of being alone that I forever embraced started to kick me out of its base and sent signals that the time has come for me to face my fears and enjoy the battlefield. After learning the basics (and still mastering the ropes), I believe today I am having fun!

Crossing Fear Avenue did not only make me reach the Unafraid Shore . It also paved the aisle for me to get to Life’s Boulevard and there I saw more things in a vista and guess what, one day, I hope to make it there too.

It’s like, so what if I have to cross the streets? In this world of great compromise and long roads, there is nothing to fear as long as you’re on the right path. The shortest distance between two poles is a straight line, right? In my heart I know that always God prepares the best timing and He has designed for me an avenue with effective traffic lights that will tell me when to take the pedestrian lane.